Why It Can Be Problematic
Because they see themselves as adults, gifted children may expect to be treated like adults. They can feel insulted if they are not asked for their opinion or if they are not allowed to make their own decisions. A three-year-old, for example, cannot be expected to make decisions that could affect their future, nor should they be expected to make decisions involving the running of the household. Unfortunately, even gifted children don’t have the kind of maturity it takes to know that they don’t have all the knowledge and understanding that making some decisions requires. Many gifted children also have a strong sense of right and wrong and believe that being treated as less than an adult is grossly unfair. Their frustration can lead to a number of behavior problems. They can get angry or rude, and even become bossy and demanding.
Why Parents of Gifted Children Are Often Frustrated
Parents of gifted children who feel as though they should be treated as adults also feel frustrated. They feel like life is one constant battle, as they find themselves continually arguing with their children over rules and decisions. They are constantly asked to justify their reasons to their child who is always asking why he should have to do something he doesn’t want to do or not be able to do something he does want to do. The parents are worn out by temper tantrums and other emotional outbursts. They may begin to see their child as emotionally immature, a view that is often supported by teachers’ comments.
How to Handle Children Who Think They’re Little Adults
Here are a few tips to help you manage frustration on both sides.
Try to See Things From Your Child’s Perspective
These kids see themselves as adults and may genuinely not understand why they are being treated like children. It doesn’t mean you need to treat them as adults, but it does mean they should be treated with respect. Nothing will upset these children more than a condescending or patronizing attitude.
Give Reasons, But Don’t Debate
If your child needs the reasons behind rules, requests, and denials, then, by all means, give them the reasons. Sometimes that’s all they want to know. But don’t fall into the trap of debating with your child. Gifted children can be excellent debaters, even the very young ones, and parents often find themselves caught in something like a courtroom debate. It is still important for children to know that the parents have the ultimate say in what happens in the home.
Give Your Child Some Choices
Consider the possibility that your gifted child may need to feel as though they have some control over their lives. For example, you might ask your daughter if she wants her peanut butter sandwich plain or with jelly. You might ask your son if he wants to clean his room before or after dinner.
Treat Your Child With Respect
Even though your child can’t make major decisions, he or she can certainly be allowed to express an opinion and that opinion should be listened to respectfully. Listening to an opinion does not require you to agree with it, and it’s important that your child understand that from the beginning. Life with a gifted child is not always easy, but it can be made easier when parents understand their gifted children and what lies behind their children’s behavior.
